A Delicate Sense of Balance (Day 52)

What was it that kept him moving? Was there some hope in the corner of his mind that he might be able to make up for what he'd done? No, it wasn't that. But still, he kept moving. Maybe he was waiting for an answer to materialize, to guide him on his quest. What a quest this was, he thought, running away from a fatal mistake. He was refusing to face what he'd done, perhaps only delaying the inevitable. It was foolish to believe that he could keep running forever. He could travel the breadth of the world and his past would still find its way inexorably back to him. Of this much, at least, he was certain.

The man was roused from his inner thoughts when he skidded through a patch of muddied ground, falling unceremoniously onto his behind. He'd reached an area of the woods that was beginning to slope downwards. He found it difficult to get his bearings due to the extremely low visibility, but he guessed he was approaching a valley. He would have to tread carefully or he'd find himself tumbling down a hill in short order. The rain showed no sign of letting up but he was skeptical about the safety of continuing. However, if ever there was a time to throw caution to the wind, it would be now. He made a shrugging gesture to no one in particular and carefully inched forward without getting to his feet.

Inching along through the wet grass and mud, he pondered for a moment that he must look ridiculous. Fortunately (for more reasons than one) there was no one around to pass judgment. He was making slow progress and his appendages were aching terribly. He wanted to stop again, but didn't look forward to staring into space left with nothing but his thoughts. Despite his exhaustion sleep wasn't going to be an option anytime soon. The dark clouds, unseen above, were pouring down rain angrily, as if in outright defiance of the man's wishes. He considered very seriously shaking his fist at the heavens but thought better of it almost immediately. He didn't fear the reprisal of the gods; he just didn't want to expend the energy required to curse them.

The young man, bedraggled and wet to the bone, made his way further down the slope, the effort taxing his muscles even more. Although not in poor physical form, he couldn't recall ever taxing himself to this degree before in his life. He'd always been assured that difficult physical trials were good for the soul and the body, but the man, now miserably cold and weary, felt he could forfeit whatever benefits such a trial might provide. He'd been making his way farther down into what he had guessed was a valley for a few minutes now, and the slope was only steepening. His muscles were groaning in protest but now that he'd committed to it he couldn't imagine going back up. It was becoming more difficult to even stop himself from tumbling wildly down the rest of the way into who knows where. As far as he knew, he was scooting himself down into a pit full of spikes. 

Concerning himself with wild fantasies of his grisly fate was oddly comforting for reasons that the young man couldn't even begin to explain. As hopeless as he felt, he didn't really want to die. Still, there was something amusing about investing so much time into carefully sliding down an incline only to end up in a pit of spikes in the middle of a deserted woodland. The absurdity of it distracted him from the lightning shocks of pain arcing through his nervous system. He tried to laugh but all that escaped was a pitiful rain-soaked sputter. He suddenly realized that he was probably going to die soon, which for some reason was also funny. In the back of his mind he was horrified but he couldn't stop himself from erupting into a fit of laughter punctuated with violent, watery coughs.

His laughter, though therapeutic, had less beneficial effects on his quest to carefully slide into a pit of spikes. Or rather, it accelerated his progress to a terrifying degree. He found himself tumbling suddenly, completely losing control. He gasped in pain as his lower back connected with the sharp end of a rock and he twisted around painfully, planting his forehead in some mud while still sliding. He thrust out his arm, frantically trying to find something to hold onto, but only found a handful of grass, which came free in his hand. Realistically he hadn't been falling for long, but his journey to the bottom stretched out to eternity in the man's mind. 

There was a flash of bright white light and he came to a sudden, terrifying stop. Reflexively, he reached out to confront whatever fearsome opponent had assaulted him but only found wet bark and moss at his fingertips. Stars swimming in his field of vision, the man violently evacuated the contents of his stomach on the grassy expanse below him. Though divorced from his senses for the moment, he had enough foresight to cling desperately to the sturdy tree trunk that he now realized was his savior. Despite his exhaustion and pain, he managed to pull himself up to a seated position and came to rest against the now extremely steep valley wall. He couldn't quite make out the tree that was now his temporary home but he thanked whatever gods were listening that he now had time to rest. The spikes could wait.