Geography (Day 50)

How much longer could this go on? Realistically, the man knew he was rushing to his death. He hadn't stopped to voice the possibility until now but he knew that's what he wanted. The thought was a shameful one but he could not fathom how else he could atone for his mistakes. He'd known what kind of terrible things he was capable of and he'd worked hard to control it. It wasn't an accident. He'd intentionally committed a great crime. No matter the circumstances there could be no justification for that.

It was cowardice that propelled him forward. He was running from his punishment, running from judgment. No one would understand what he was. The man wasn't sure he understood it himself. What he knew without question was that he had learned how to control it, how to harness it, even though he'd forbidden himself from ever using it in front of others. Sometimes, though. . .he felt it bubbling beneath the surface, like it was struggling to break free. It manifested itself with real physical pain, like his skin was on fire. When he felt like that, he found it difficult to resist it's insistent call.

But it was no excuse. He had control. He could have ignored the call and quashed it like he always did. As terrible as he felt about it, he knew that he'd done something he'd wanted to do for a long time. He realized now that he was an evil person; it stood to reason that the best thing he could do to make up for his actions was to eliminate the man responsible. Would the people back home even understand what happened? They'd know he was gone and they'd understand that a vile act had been committed, but. . .there was a lot the people back home didn't know.

The man didn't know what else to do so he kept walking. He was far too tired and the visibility was too low to increase the pace. He had no illusions that he'd be able to fall asleep again in this torrential rainstorm, either. A part of him hoped he would reach the edge of the woods soon, but he acknowledged that it might be better if he never made it. It would be so much easier if the forces of nature made this decision for him as he was evidently too cowardly to take matters into his own hands.