The Nearing Grave (Day 32)

I'm glad that music is a part of my life. That I can listen to certain pieces of music and have my emotions affected positively is a really profound thing. I've never been able to look at paintings or other kinds of artwork and really have an emotional reaction to it, at least not in the same way. I can appreciate artwork and aesthetics in general, and I agree that they are important--but its never going to move me to react. I might enjoy a painting or drawing a lot and even think its amazing, but I can't imagine ever looking at a painting and getting a cold chill. With music, it happens to me pretty frequently.

I think with films I can get a little closer. I can be affected emotionally and sometimes I'll get that feeling of ascension--like I've experienced something on a deeper level. However, I think the score plays a huge part in how I react in these situations. I enjoyed There Will Be Blood, but the screechy, minimalist score left me a little cold. As such, I felt it was a great movie but it didn't provoke that deeper feeling in me. Films like Magnolia, Inception, and even Requiem for a Dream hit me in the gut a bit more not just because they're good but because the score plays such an important role.

In a lot of ways I navigate my life by feel instead of logic. It's really strange for me to say that because for years and years I insisted on the exact opposite. I prided myself on being logical in most situations and being able to defuse conflicts (in my mind, at least) because of it. At the time I listened to a lot of music that was really technically proficient but lacking in emotion. I think it was a pretty appropriate mirror for my personality, honestly. I won't say that part of me is completely gone because there are a lot of aspects to my personality, some of which don't necessarily fit together. I'm like one of those puzzles with no edges and extra pieces.

Suffice to say, though, these songs are on my mind at the moment and can induce cold chills if I'm the right mindset:

Long Distance Calling - "The Nearing Grave"

Isis - "Carry" (can remember many night drives listening to this)

Jesu - "Transfigure"

Joanna Newsom - "Only Skin" (especially at "that's an awfully real gun")