Man, my brain is totally not even working today and caffeine doesn't seem to be helping. I feel like on average my motivation and creativity have been higher lately, but I still have those days where I'm not sure how I managed to tumble out of bed. Today is one such day. I'm eager to return to my story, but I don't want to do it the disservice of half-assing it. I know if I forced myself to update it today then my work would be subpar. I have ideas about where I want things to go but I don't think I have the ability to express that accurately in my current state of mind.
I'm hoping that I feel better by tomorrow, because at 5 PM, I already feel like this day is a lost cause. I haven't felt the urge to do much of anything other than eat today. I'm feeling similarly to how I did when attempting to start work on a paper in college classes--which is not good. This is supposed to be a liberating experience for me. I can express myself freely here, on anything I want to discuss for as long as I like. Sometimes, unfortunately, I don't have anything left to express! It's not a daily thing, though, so at least there's that.
It's possible I didn't get enough sleep. That's been a recurring problem recently, for a variety of reasons. The temperature in this room fluctuates wildly, and my cat, although I love him, scratches wildly at my door when its closed and tends to pester me constantly when he's in here. I don't really keep track of when I go to sleep anymore, so it's hard to say if I got a good 7-8 hours or not.
Ugh. I really need to get out of the house. The Florida trip was good for me, but its positive benefits haven't lingered. I've still not heard back from any of the places I've applied to (and admittedly I should apply to a lot more) but it's hard for me to have motivation, despite lamenting the fact that I'm completely broke. Motivation isn't something that I can just force myself to have--and no one else can do it for me either. But I also can't just wait for it to fall into my lap. I'm the only one that can do it, but I can't figure out how to make myself want it. There are certainly things that I want, but when any of those things require significant effort, I wilt.
I was feeling pretty determined a couple months back, but for some reason I've just kind of. . .lost it. How do I get that back?
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