I've decided to start doing some serious reading. I honestly haven't read regularly since I was in high school. I used to be a huge fan of fantasy and was reading something new every week, but for some reason that I can't really explain, my reading slowed down to a crawl after I graduated. I'm pretty sure I didn't read a single book last year and maybe not even the one before it.
So I guess what I'm saying is that I'm going to try to read a lot of books this next year. It's not a New Year's Resolution because those are dumb, but it is something I'd like to do. I'm really hoping that reading regularly will serve to open up my brain a bit. Even though I've been writing every day for almost five months now, my brain still feels closed off. Some days are better than others, of course, but the prevailing sentiment is that I'm creatively blocked.
I talked about this a lot yesterday trying to figure out what was causing some of these symptoms. I believe I touched on my sleeping patterns, poor diet, and lack of reading. I find it difficult to remedy the first two of those problems, but I can certainly work on the third. It's also now occurring to me that a lack of social interaction could be a large factor in my issues as well. I'm not going to say that I don't have friends--because I do, but social interaction in general is very awkward and difficult for me.
If I'm being truthful, I'd have to say that even though I'm an introvert at heart, I absolutely love having conversations with like-minded people--but I hate phone conversations and I don't particularly like being face-to-face either. I find I express myself best in text, which I guess is a weird thing to say considering I've been lamenting the fact I've had difficulty writing lately.
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I also have this tendency of getting distracted in the middle of writing a blog entry and losing my train of thought completely. I'm pretty much surrounded by distractions--by choice. When you live alone and you're unemployed with no money, you have to figure out how to keep yourself entertained. I do so by setting up a second monitor and having something playing on it pretty much all the time. In this case it's a League of Legends stream--Scarra's to be specific.
Anyway, I like one on one conversations but I have difficulty functioning in large groups. I've been invited to a get together with some friends tomorrow night and I'm not really sure I want to go. Alcohol will be involved and who knows what else. I'm worried I'll be bored and feel out of place--even though I know all of these people and occasionally play games with them. As sad as it sounds, I feel like I might have more fun staying at home and doing something on my own.
It would probably do me some good to go hang out, but after having been subjected to a Christmas gathering just yesterday, I honestly wonder if I have the energy for it. Man, how am I supposed to function in every day life after I finally get another job? Every time I leave the house it's just such a scary prospect--I've only gotten worse about this with time. I worked in retail for four years but now that I've been away from a regular job for such a long time I feel like I've reverted back to square one. I'm twenty-six years old and I don't know how to function properly.
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