Hyadain no Kakakata☆Kataomoi - C (Day 265)

Tomorrow is my first day of work! I'm determined to approach it with a level of enthusiasm appropriate for this accomplishment. I've been out of work for awhile and a little listless but now it's time for me to shape up! There's absolutely no reason for me to feel dread for tomorrow because regardless of what anxiety I might face, I have the skills and resolve to face what's ahead of me. I'll learn quickly and I'll be good at my job. I'll pay off my debts and then start saving up money--at which point I can start considering moving into my own place that doesn't happen to be the place I spent my childhood.

In the meantime, I need to focus on establishing stability. I keep telling myself over and over that I need to clean up this house. None of my excuses about it not "feeling like my house" are irrelevant because no matter what I say, I'm going to be here for a long time. I need to try my best to make it feel like my own. I've taken a preliminary step by moving most of my stuff into the "living room," which was previously almost entirely unused. It's still quite cluttered though, and the floor needs to be washed. There are rooms in the back of the house that can be used for storage, so I don't really have much of an excuse for leaving random things lying around.

I think I might consult a particular family member on how best to deal with this situation. She's my cousin and actually lives right next door. If I'm being honest, I very rarely see her. However, due to The Great Job Hunt that I've embarked on recently, I've been seeing a lot more of my family in general. I hung out with her and her 10-year-old daughter yesterday and it made me realize that I have plenty of family members I can get along with. Being inside her house also made me realize just how much of a disgusting mess my house is in comparison. I think I'd already realized this, but the contrast was still pretty jarring.

What is it about me? Have I developed a tolerance for filth and clutter? Well--I'm sure I have. But that doesn't change the fact that I'd prefer to in a cleaner environment. I think I'd be happier when I'm just hanging out at home. Considering how much time I tend to spend here, I think cleaning up would go a long way in improving my overall level of contentment. 

I just don't know where to start. I want it to look good, feel good, and. . .smell good. Everything in this house just kind of smells. . .stale. I can't describe it. It doesn't smell bad exactly (at least not in the living room) but it's not what I'd call pleasant. I just feel like there's way too much useless crap in this house that I can do nothing with because they belong to my mother. I'd just really rather not be here, but it's out of my hands for the time being.