Alagoas (Day 280)

I've been putting off writing this for some time now! I've been playing Super Robot Wars Alpha Gaiden and a lot of League of Legends pretty much all day. All in all, it hasn't been a bad way to close out my "three day weekend" from work. I have this anxiety that sets in when I don't fill my free time with fun things. Honestly, it's a pretty childish impulse, but I can't help but slavishly adhere to it--or at least when I don't, I can't help but feel incredibly unfulfilled.

I do wish I could accomplish a little more on the creative front, though. Of course, I've still continued to update this blog every day, but even if I write extensively on the subjects I choose, the subjects I've been tackling lately aren't really what I'd like to cover. I've sat down in front of my computer and feverishly attempted to magic up some kind of creative impulse to continue my story or even start a new one on multiple occasions. But it's tough. I don't like the term "writer's block." I really like what Jerry Seinfeld said about that on his reddit AMA. He said that writer's block is a "phony, made up excuse for not doing your work." They seem like harsh words but I think they're basically true.

Sometimes I probably just need to sit down and start writing. I'm too worried about actually writing something good. I can't just start up after months of not writing and expect me to be able to produce excellent quality right away. Sure, I might suddenly be struck with a bolt of inspiration but it's unreasonable to expect that to happen at my command. I may be frustrated that my writing is stilted or unclear, but it doesn't matter. If it's important for me to be creative, I have to try. I can't just abandon what I start and wait for my muse to guide me through. That just leads me to never finishing anything. I'd rather finish a poor quality product than leave a half-finished draft of decent quality. That doesn't leave me with any fulfillment.

I need to realize that I can edit myself as much as I want. I need to realize that I can write and rewrite passages until I get exactly what I need. Above all else, I need to realize that a lot of the time, what I write is going to come across as poor quality. I have to be okay with that. As long as I'm producing content, I have a starting point. I can improve it from there. I can't be afraid of writing something bad.

When I get bored of where my story is going, I can shake it up. If the transition seems awkward or unnatural--that's okay! I can completely restructure the shape of the story to make up for it. I can't just let the story stagnate and stay where it is. I can do anything I want. I could introduce giant robots or more mythical beings. I could have my characters discover wondrous floating cities inhabited by highly intelligent aliens. Alternatively, I could continue on the current path where my characters are on a camping trip gone wrong.