Holy crap, I learned today just how much I rely on coffee in the mornings. I ran out of coffee this morning due to some poor planning (and lack of willpower on my part, to be frank) and as a result I was completely out of it for the better part of the day. An emergency extra large dose of Red Bull at around 11 o'clock was not even close to enough to help me recover. I feel like I'm very reliant on caffeine and in the past, energy drinks were my caffeine delivery system of choice. I still drink them occasionally, but they don't seem to have as positive an effect on me as coffee does and I'm not sure why that is. They have similar levels of caffeine. I'm convinced the heat of coffee has something to do with it, although I couldn't even begin to explain why it makes such an important difference.
Logically, I should be attempting to go through life without having to rely on caffeine. I've tried it a few times and I've just found that I'm listless and lack energy. I think if I was more active in general that might be less of a problem, but I currently have a very low activity job and I spend most of my free time playing video games. I could spend more of my free time running or exercising in other ways but I just don't find that to be a very fun thing to do! I'd like to find the time to exercise, but I almost feel I don't have enough time for writing and gaming as it is. I have a lot of free time and I try to use all of it in as productive a fashion as possible--at least when it comes to my hobbies, that is. It's not like I do anything traditionally productive, like cleaning my house or thinking about what I want to do with my life.
I guess if I'm being honest with myself, this is what I'm doing with my life right now. I'm working a job that for the most part I like. I'm a little worried that I'll lose it in a month or two, but if not, I have a pretty decent setup. If I become a full status employee, I'll have commission checks to look forward to as well as maintaining a really reasonable amount of free time. I have time to write these entries every day while still playing a lot of video games. There are other things I'd like to do as well, but I'm pretty happy with how things are going for the moment. I'd like to start going on runs for real again but plopping down in front of my computer and systematically completing my backlog of games is just such a more attractive option for me.
This situation raises a question for me. What fulfills me? What makes me happy? I guess in the end it's a pretty simple question. I like to write, I like to consume media from different sources, whether that be video games, television, movies, music, or whatever else I get my hands on--I like to experience these creations and discuss them. Video games are the form of art that resonates with me most. Does it come from childhood nostalgia or is there something intrinsic to me that makes me predisposed towards immersing myself in these interactive adventures? I don't know, but I doubt I'll stop playing games anytime soon.
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