Bittersweet nostalgia

Day 381

I have been positively overcome with nostalgia over the past few days due to a stunt I pulled on Facebook on Wednesday. I don't generally use Facebook a lot because the whole format of it annoys me. What I miss more than anything is the format of the traditional internet message board--a format that sadly seems to have gone by the wayside. I have an absolute ton of memories of posting at message boards over the years and in one in particular. It's a place called Fool's Gold and I've been registered there for eleven years and have over 15,000 posts. Granted, I've probably posted less and less as the years have worn on--and activity dwindled down to nothingness until all of those familiar faces disappeared.

The internet is a funny thing. People come and go and vanish in the blink of an eye. Despite my distaste for the site, Facebook has been tremendously helpful for at least keeping tabs on these people that I used to interact with on a daily basis. Still, when I posted a status update on Wednesday urging a great number of these people to return, even if only for a little while--I was overwhelmed by the response. A lot of people that I hadn't spoken to in years popped up and started posting again. At one point there were 500 posts in the span of 24 hours. It was great to see a lot of those guys again. It made me realize just how much I'd missed my internet social life.

I have never been a tremendously social person, partially because being in public makes me very uncomfortable! The internet has always been the perfect place for me to express myself though, and there, at least, I have always been extremely personable. I miss having that opportunity! Facebook is just not the same. It has such a "real life" vibe to it. It is tied up in relatives and family friends and things like that. It is not tied to a community of common interests. It is about relationships formed from proximity.

Message boards were great because they sprung up out of shared interests. In the case of Fool's Gold, it was sort of a meeting ground for people from a whole variety of different message boards. The prevailing common interest was of course gaming, but as people have gotten older and more mature (or cynical), that has become less true. I'm obviously still massively involved in gaming, but it's fine that some other folks are not. I'm still ecstatic to be able to talk with these people once again, even if it's only a short term thing. I'm merely happy to learn they're still around and that they are successful and happy.

I may never find the long term close friends that I'm really looking for, but I'm not going to let it get me down. I will continue to be as open and expressive as I possibly can be. I will savor what socialization I can get because you never know when you're going to lose that opportunity. I was living in a kind of golden age six or seven years ago where I was constantly surrounded by like minded people (on the internet) and I spoke with them daily. For the longest time, I've spent most of my days alone in contemplation! I have typed out giant swathes of text to be read by no one as a form of therapy and self expression. I want to put it all out there and share it with people I respect--but not everyone has time for that kind of thing. Not everyone has time for message boards.