You're Never Gonna Be On Time

Day 369

I have to drive to Elizabethtown for work on Wednesday. It's about 60 miles away and I've never been there before. I've been told by several people that it's not a big deal and the drive is mostly interstate the whole way, but this does little to allay my fears. I don't drive very often. I drive to work and I drive home--that's about it. Ever since I got my driver's license at the ripe old age of 19, I've never been completely comfortable with it. I have a great deal of anxiety even during routine drives. I second guess myself a lot and drive very defensively.

The point is that I'm very uncomfortable driving to new places. I lived in Austin for a few months and didn't have a car the whole time I was there. It was great because I could usually walk wherever I needed to go. Admittedly, there were a few occasions where having a car would have definitely helped, but for the most part I made it work. Hey, maybe if I'd stayed there longer I might have overcome my fear of public transportation. . .

It's clear that this is a fear I'll have to overcome. I'm 26 years old; it's more than a little ridiculous that something like this is still a pressing concern for me. I've been to the neighboring town of Bowling Green many times, but never once have I driven there myself. It's an odd thing to admit to people that live around here who have been driving there for years and don't think of it as a big deal. It's not a big deal, but I am uncommonly apprehensive about driving.

This is something I've been talking about for years and it's never really changed. I wonder why that is? I guess I just have never made it much of a priority to become a more confident driver. It's a pretty important part of becoming an adult and that's something in my life that I have been fighting against for a long time. I have definitely passed the point in my life where I can continue to hold the delusion that I'm a child--but I'm so apathetic about it that I'm not making a lot of steps to grow up. 

I've gotta get some things in order pretty soon. I can take it one step at a time but it's important that I don't just sit here and let the world pass me by. It's fine if I play a lot of video games. That's my passion and a big part of what fuels me creatively, but there are other things that are important too.