Ahh! It's 11:42 PM and I'm still undecided on whether or not I want to write a blog entry tonight. It feels so weird to just skip it because I've done it for over 400 straight days. That is a long time to do something! Isn't it strange for me to just. . .stop one day? I feel I knew this time would come at some point but I can't shake the weird feeling that accompanies it.
After a certain point I lost the plot on what this whole writing exercise was about. It was about writing every single day--not only to improve my skills as a writer but to stimulate my thought process as well. I have historically been a very closed off and muddled thinker and I feel this blog has helped me move past that. I can't say it's been the only factor in my transformation, but it's pretty reasonable to speculate that it's had a lot to do with it!
I guess I've just gotten tired, you know? I feel bad when I write an entry that feels phoned in or insubstantial. It happens sometimes and I wonder why I bothered at all. It's because I feel compelled. It's my obsessive tendencies coming into play. There's something strange about breaking a precedent. I've been doing this for well over a year now and doing it every single day. I haven't taken breaks. I haven't skipped certain days due to special occasions. Recently I updated from my phone while on a roadtrip to Louisville. It's been important to me to remain consistent and to keep updating every single day.
Why them am I considering stopping--or at the very least, shifting the focus of the blog? I went into this a lot yesterday but I'm still very conflicted. Realistically, it's not a huge investment of my time to write these blog entries every day but I still feel like it's an obligation. It is frequently on my mind. I realize it's something I need to get out of the way before I can relax every night.
But maybe that's something I need. I'm not a person with a lot of obligations and I spend the vast majority of my free time on myself. It's almost 100%, actually. I don't think I could ever feel good about skipping these daily blog entry unless I replaced that time with something else even more productive. It's clear that there are a lot of things I need to do--things that I've been putting off and have neglected over and over.
I updated tonight. But I don't know how much longer I'm going to keep this up. I still haven't decided. If I'm being honest, I spent all day playing Final Fantasy XIV and while I had fun, it's a tad disconcerting that this crisis about my blog pops up at just the time I start playing a very addictive and time consuming game. I don't think it's a good time to consider breaking my habits but I still think some of the points I went into yesterday are valid. I would like to spend more time on my articles. I've sort of established this rule that I write about four paragraphs a day minimum, but that's still pretty damn short for the kind of article I'd like to write.
Ideally, I would spend a lot of time playing a game and instead of chronicling my progress in relatively brief daily entries, I'd like to spend more time in the planning stage and eventually produce a much longer, polished article. Many of my entries are thrown together hastily because I want to get them out of the way--all so I can have more time to play video games. I do have a lot of them to get through, after all. Gosh, why did I have to start playing an MMO.
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