Motivation

When I first started this blog, I did so for a lot of different reasons. I think it was something I'd been wanting to do for such a long time and I just. . .finally followed up on it. I wanted a creative outlet because I felt like I had a lot to say--but there was really a lot more to it than that. I needed therapy. I needed self expression. These are things that I don't otherwise have opportunities for. It's debatable just how creative I've been overall with this project considering the sheer number of video game related pieces. Boy, do I ramble on about video games a lot. Still, it's better than I get it all out here than talking some unfortunate soul's ear off.

There's one other aspect of this blog that I feel has fallen to the wayside over the past year--other than my fiction writing, that is. Part of the original purpose of the blog was to foster self improvement. I wrote a lot in those early days about opening up expressively, and exercising in addition to all the usual writing and creative stuff. Of course, for the past several months, I've led an extremely sedentary lifestyle. Part of the problem lie squarely with my complacency, but I don't think I should use that as an excuse. Exercise is such a good thing for me, in both mind and body. It seems silly for me to disregard it completely just because I'm worried about it taking up my free time or contributing to my boredom. I know I can find ways to make it work.

I'm definitely not an expert when it comes to putting together a workout regime--and honestly, it feels a lot less intimidating to start slow and do things I'm comfortable with. Lifting weights while watching Netflix seems as good a place to start as any, although I'd love to start running again. Unfortunately, I've picked a pretty poor time of year to focus on that kind of thing. It's quite cold out most of the time and I don't own a lot of warm clothing. I'm in dire need of a new wardrobe but I'm not comfortable embarking on that particular journey alone. I need to find someone to help me out there.

I won't lie and say that my desire to exercise has nothing to do with discontent at my appearance. It's true. I don't find myself particularly attractive and this is distressing because I"m actually pretty vain. I'd really like to feel more attractive and to be fit. I'm getting older every day. The longer I wait to really start doing this, the harder it's going to be for me to get in shape. I may never be as thin and in shape as I envision myself being, but it definitely doesn't hurt to try to get healthy. It can only improve my mood and my energy level--two things that are very important for not only the creative process but my success in general.

I don't want to get my hopes up about this, but I'd really like to not lose motivation on this this time. I guess I haven't really made any concrete plans which makes it easier for me to flake out on it later--so maybe I should make some. Some loose guidelines would definitely help, at the very least. I need to stop eating late at night (this is something I frequently struggle with) and I need to drink a lot more water. I don't even dislike water or anything--I just kind of fell out of the habit of drinking it. It's a natural fit with exercising, though. As soon as I work up even a little bit of a sweat, water tastes that much more delicious.

I need to do pushups. God, I hate pushups.