Yeah, ok

Day 429

I have owned Final Fantasy XIV for just about one week. During that time, I have racked up 62 hours of playtime. That's more than a full time job and I'm only level 30 in my main class. Granted, I've kind of been piddling around and exploring the game's mechanics, but the fact remains that I've been playing it a lot. I think I'm beyond eager to power through the early stages of the game in which I don't have access to very many abilities so I'm overcompensating. I'm still enjoying the game, but I wish some of the friends who were playing it before were still playing. I never seem to catch them in time when they hop to a new game. If I'm being honest though, it doesn't seem like they particularly care about playing with me in the first place.

I remember a time when several of my friends and I would play League of Legends just about every day. It was my primary form of social interaction. I'd be lying if I said I didn't miss that. I feel like there's no point in playing it anymore if I'm just going to play it alone. It's no fun for me. I do get some enjoyment out of FFXIV when playing alone but it'd be a lot better if some of those old friends would hop on and say hi. I just don't fill like I fit in with them anymore. I don't feel welcomed. It's partially my fault because I spent such a long time in forced isolation. I spent a long time on single player games and didn't even bother to try to communicate with them. Still, though--it'd be nice if someone would try to contact me sometime and just ask me if I'd like to play something with them. I wish I had that opening.

Gaming is pretty much my favorite thing to do. I really enjoy getting together with a group of people and playing games, whether it be online or in person. But I haven't been able to do it for a long time. I've really lost touch with a lot of those friends for a variety of reasons. I have to admit that it does bum me out a little. Single player games are always going to be my preference, but I really wish I had the option to just jump on League of Legends or Final Fantasy XIV or whatever other multiplayer game I could think of and just play with some friends. But I can't. I don't have any friends like that anymore. I don't really know how to fix that.

People have lives and they're busy. That's definitely part of the issue, but it's not the whole thing. I have some pretty outcast and socially awkward friends, many of which don't have a whole lot of extra responsibilities--much like myself. They've never really made it a priority to spend time with me though, even online. That's probably fair, since I haven't made much of an effort either--but it does leave a bad taste in my mouth. Sometimes I wish I could go back to the old days where I'd get on TeamSpeak every afternoon and there'd be a crowd of people in there waiting to play some games. They've moved to another server now and I've popped in a few times--but I haven't felt very welcomed. No one's excited to see me. Maybe it's a silly thing to even worry about because I never made it a priority to continue hanging out with them, but it's still really. . .disconcerting.

I don't know. I can't expect to maintain friendships if I don't put forth the effort required to nurture them. I guess that's all it is.